Draft - Script
As a group on Monday morning/ early afternoon we came together, using the post-it notes shown previously in the blog to create a written guideline for our animation skit using an introduction, act 1, act 2, act 3 and a conclusion.
Using the post-it notes I was able to construct a draft of our script.
We are still looking into whether we need to use another Shakespearean phrase in the script, as shown.
Overall, there is the essence of fun script here. It's much more concise as an idea that it was before and I can see where you (as a group) have shaped the comedy and the overall plot. My gut instinct is that, as an animated short and for a project that had more time you may need a third act (talent) to get the full benefit of your idea. It would give you time to build up your Antagonist and then 'feel' the payback. However, lets go with two for now and see what the script is like as an animatic (over time) before adding. One tip (mentioned below) is to use editing to limit unnecessary actions ( like walking onto the stage) and the amount of animation you need to do. Cutting onto an action can be funnier as well. Here are a few notes....
ReplyDelete1) Is the poster the Talent Show Poster or a way to tell the audience you title "When not to.."
2) Gymnast - Avoid having characters 'walking on to the stage' - Its a waste of time and extra animation you don't need to do. Find a way to cut to them (eg - Gymnast when warming up etc).
3) Gymnast - Then ending to this gag is a little weak. May be the comes back on and he/she is tied up in knots around the bar.
4) There is no need to show a clock. Time is implied in your edit/next sign.
5) Shakespearean Actor - No walk onto the stage.
6) Shakespearean Actor - Floating subtitles may not be the correct option if you chose a period setting (rubber hose/30's etc) They could be a card though like in a silent movie?
7) Shakespearean Actor - Storming off. There is a chance here for an extra gag in the way in which he storms off. Think Daffy Duck storming off - He manner is in keeping with his personality. Who is your actor? What is his personality? What joke could you add in his walk?
8) The ending - This seems a little complex and not quite in the logic of your piece. For example, the sudden glass box and dunce cap might confuse the audience. I can see what you're going for...'a payback/poetic ending' where the Villain gets what he deserves but there is probably something more in keeping with being a mime and interfering. For example, if we cut back to the Mime after having been hooked off stage and now we he him with 'ropes on his arms and legs' and the other two puppeting him (pulley's etc) that stops him from being a Mime and give them ultimate control...They then make him way bye bye!
Correction: May be the 'light' comes back on...
ReplyDeleteCorrection: now we 'see' him...